The internet is a truly wonderful place filled with mystical magic and excitment. However, it is also sometimes a black hole of bizarre hyperlinks, strange trends and photos that sucks people in and makes no sense. I (personally speaking) love the strange, weird and bizarre nature of the internet with a passionate and almost sexual intensity purely due to the fact that I love having the world and it’s oddities at my fingertips. However, with that said, there are somethings that cannot be unseen and some products that cannot be unsold…
1. Human Skulls
www.skullsunlimited.com is a unique and quite frankly disturbing website that specialises in the sale of human skulls. Skulls unlimited will, for as little as $950, will sell whichever weirdo is looking for a human skull, a real ‘one of a kind’ human skull. Not realistic, not real-looking, but REAL. The fear. And even if human skulls are not your thing and you’re a cat fan, they got you covered. For $69 you can be the proud owner of a domestic cat skull leading me to believe that the internet and it’s weirdness knows no bounds.
Personally I think someone’s been reading Hamlet a little too much…
Yes, yes, Human Trafficking is illegal and the headstartonhealthyliving.com team do not endorse human trafficking in any shape, way, or form. BUT, before his first album hit the shelves and deafened people forever, celebrity howler James Blunt actually sold his sister on eBay. The motives behind the amusing story were that she could not attend a funeral in South Ireland due to transport issues, and was understandably distraught about it. Hilarious and quick-witthed JB did what any older brother would have done and proceeded to flog his sister as a ‘damsel in distress’ who was looking for a ‘knight in shining armour’ with the highest bidder being responsible for ensuring her transport to and from South Ireland. Three years later, James Blunt’s sister married her helicopter possessing, millionaire Knight, Guy Harrison (you know that guy that pelted a flour filled condom at Tony Blair). This means by extension women are sellable.
3. The World Largest Hula Hoop
I shit you not. This week it emerged in the UK news (yeah, it’s been a slow one for us Brits with world problems and terrorism and all) that a woman in the UK has found what has been believed to be the worlds longest Hula Hoop measuring in at seven inches (bigger than most guys cocks, AM I RIGHT LADIES?!). The woman in question has decided to sell the Hula Hoop on eBay with bids starting at £5000, with all cash going to charity. So if you’re the type of girl whose ever fancied having a disposable, soggy/breakable dildo, get buying.
4. Taxidermy Kits
This has weird and creepy written all over it. I have previously seen other taxidermy kits for sale on the internet, however, I recently have only been able to find Mouse Taxidermy kits (maybe it’s not really desirable to stuff Fido when he’s croaked…). For £29.99 British oddity shop firebox.com will sell unto you a kit with all the necessary equipment to taxiderm(?) a mouse. Personally, I’m not entirely sure why anyone would want this kit or even if it’s a big seller, but I feel as though it’s helping to prepare the next generation of weird serial killers and sociopaths. The beautiful circle of life…
5. The Kidney Stone of Captain Kirk
In 2004, past lothario and all around silver fox William Shatner put his kidney stone up for sale (again on eBay) to try and see how much it was worth.
You want to know how much that was don’t you?
The result was $20,000 for charity and represented an extremely grim day for the record books of things the internet can be used for.
6. The Robo Fuk
It wouldn’t be a list of weird and wonderful things on the internet without some kind of sex object/item/image. The Robo Fuk is a fully automated, electric, adjustable dildo/vibrator that stimulates the thrusting penetration of a real sexual partner for a woman or a man (there are vagina attachments). It costs a very reasonable *ahem* £399.99 which is one pence off being the cost of my rent for the month. I suppose that it takes all sorts and it might be… nice or plreasurable. However, before you buy it I urge you to watch the video on lovehoney.co.uk and tell me that the noises and motions of the machine does not terrify you and remind you of that porno that was doing its rounds a few years ago… You know the one with a dildo attached to a hammer drill…
Or was I the only one that saw that?